I’m so confused -___-” You used to say that you’re not good at remembering things, but it’s like you remember a ton of the things that I used to talk about with you. Like important little things that I didn’t think you’d remember. I still don’t know your motives or your intentions rn. But I’m letting things happen because I think this happened for a reason. I’m just not sure if it happened so that I could finally tell you how I felt before. Or if we’re going to be friends. Or if you are trying to fix things. Because it feels kinda like how we used to be, but different because we I guess you can say know each other a little bit more now. And then there’s the whole old feelings that never made sense. And now there are all these new feelings I have too and I’m just a little confused…But just now, you sent me ❤️&✌️, like we used to and so now I’m even more kind of confused…..ugh. I’m just going to let this play out. Anyways, I’m not trying to have a bf anytime soon and I don’t super care how many other girls he may be talking to.
I hate when I can’t sleep cuz I’m thinking about you because I don’t want to be thinking about you anymore.
Earl texted me -____-“. Ughh these past few days have been the bizzaro boy times I swear. First:
Guy #2 starts snapchatting hella and then he started texting me. And dude, I was high on coffee when I was texting back so I was hella texting back, but I made sure that I was not flirty back. BUT I kinda think I agreed to go out on a date with him but I said yes when he wasn’t calling it a date but then he started calling it a date and Idk its weird. Anyyyyways yeah he’s been flirty texting and the annoying one not the witty banter type. The type where its like stfu. And he thinks we’re like a potential something because he gets really mad when I don’t text back hahahaha.
Then there’s Mythology Creep. He recently moved seats next to me and last week he would just ask me random questions and then for my name and he even shook my hand weird..And then he started telling me he noticed I held my pencil weird or that I doodle a lot and fa asleep too and I go on snapchat in class etc. And after class, he said he would walk me to work bc his next class was near my work (My work is 3 buildings away My class, I work on campus)… And as we were walking I asked him if he was going to be late and he said his class was 4:30 &it was fine. (Class ended at 4:15) then I asked where was his next class and he said Mendocino (WE JUST HAD A CLASS IN THE MENDOCINO BUILDING) and he walked me all the way to the third floor of my building and then asked me what time I get off work (I lied I wasn’t even working ) I said 5 and he said he wanted to hang out/take me out after my work. He said his class gets out at 5:45 but he could get out at 5 to hang out. And so he is a creep and I ditched class this week to avoid him hahahahahahha :(
Then there’s Lil Bow Wow. My old ha classmate hooked us up and I felt weird since the beginning. (This was in January) I was lw still sad about Earl even though its been like 6 months since we stopped talking. So when I talked to Lil BW, I would just ramble and try to talk about everything so I could forget Earl. So I feel bad about how it ended with LBW. We were always textjng but I felt weird every time and then I kind of just felt like we weren’t compatible even though he was a nice guy. And one day we were talking about driving and he said he didn’t have his license and he is almost 21 so it was a huge turn off plus everything I wasn’t that into about him. So I just swerved like no text back or nothing and it’s been over. We only talked for like a week. But then just yesterday I was weirdly randomly thinking about LBW, while texting Guy #2 (omg guy #2 just sucks hahaha). I was like isnt it almost LBW’s bday? So I was searching thru our old texts and then someone randomly texts me and I find out it’s LBW’s cousin/my old hs classmate! And she asks about me and him and I am pretty sure she knew it was over forever ago. And then she tells me I broke her cousins heart? Hahahaha Idk that was plain weird.
And THEEEEN LBW’s cousin did not give up on being a match maker for me! No no! She fb messaged me about one of her single guy friends looking for someone to talk to! Soooo awk Idk do I have please find me a man written on my forehead??! And ps: that guy my old classmate is trying to set me up with though, he thought I was cute in high school haha
Finale finally! EARL. The most important of them all haha Idk why. Anyways, we met online two years ago haha yup… I never thought much of it but after it was like a month 2 months, 3, it was def something. It ended badly last August with him saying we could be just friends and me not liking that idea of still texting everyday but changing my mindset to just friends so I stopped talking to him altogether. I became this love hater but also love lover and had this open but closed mind and everything has been so confusing for so long..But recently, sooo recently, like yesterday or last week or something, I realized Earl is not or never will be and never really has been mine and its time to let go. I let go and all of these boys from the past fly at me and I’m looking at the sky like God what? I’m so confused why all these guys? Is something coming? And out of nowhere I get a text from Earl. It was weird and confusing I’ve been feeling weird and confused since it happened and Idk what to think of it. He probz won’t talk to me tomorrow but I mean, Idk. I felt butterflies but not the same ones. And I been sleeping early instead of texting back guys at night, but with Earl, its always different. I know he’s probably not the one but he was something and he always will be to me.
I still care about you, but I no longer miss you.
If someone makes you cry too much, if someone hurts you and doesn’t make you feel good and doesn’t apologize for hurting you, if they make you frown more than smile—-they are not worth it. They are not worth the tears and the hurt or pain. There is someone out there that wants to make you smile. And hold your hand. And kiss your forehead. There is someone out there that wants to take you to the movies and Disneyland and they’ll want you to meet their family and stuff. There is someone that wants to beat up the person that is making your heart break. There is a person out there like that. So just do you for now, and be good and be awesome and do all the things you love and try not to cry about the guy or girl who broke you heart that one time. Cuz there is someone special out there for you somewhere, just wait and see! (: <3
How many people have you kissed in this month? 0.
Hug anyone last night? my mom and pa.
Who are you talking to? Like talking? No one cuz I’m alone in my room. Like talking-talking? Still no one although Guy #2 (Guy #2 was a guy that I lw talked to last year but made a quick swerve after Guy #1/ Earl told me he liked me) has been texting and snapchatting me and I think I may have agreed to go on a date with him when he came back into town…
What’s your middle name? G.
Where will you be 12 hours from now? school?
Does the person you like, like you back? Idk if I like anyone at this moment but if I were to say that I still liked Earl I would think that no he does no like me anymore and he probably never thinks about me so whatever…
Where’s your girlfriend/boyfriend at? N/A.
Can you make yourself cry? Uh I wouldn’t want to do that.
Is your current hair color mostly your natural hair color? Kinda. I mean my hair is a dark brown but there are still lighter pieces because of when I dyed my hair last year.
What color are your socks? No socks on atm
Who have you texted in the last 24 hours? Guy #2, little cousin, mom, other cousins
Do you like someone? Idk, Idk what to think when it comes to boys rn
Current mood? Sleepy crappy confused distraught discombobulated.
Who were you with Friday night? Lissette, Phantogram concert
Were you in a good mood last night? I am never in great moods when I go to be anymore
What should you be doing right now? studying or sleeping
Do you have a reason to smile right now? Life is great but there are some things that I just cant figure out rn atm
Think back to June. Were you in a relationship? No I was in some type of a thing that was really confusing and hard to explain and I think we had like this unspoken agreement that it’d just be us and no one else and I think thats how it was but then I got all questiony and he backed up and we never came back from it and here we are seven months later…
Would you hug the last person that you hugged again (besides family)? I guess
Where did you sleep three nights ago? home
Have you argued with anyone today? not really
Are you ready for kids? I don’t think so yet
What do you tend to drink a lot of? Water and tea
Is there someone you can spend every minute with and be happy? My best friend and my dog haha
Have you ever woke up crying from a bad dream? Yes
Finish the sentence: A relationship cannot work without ____ Trust honesty and love
Do you have any friends? Yes haha.
Who was the last person you gave your number to? My cousin who didn’t have it.
Are you married? No.
Who are you texting? Atm no one
Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months? Yeah thats hella short. BUT IT ALL DEPENDS ON WHO THE ITHER PERSON IS. MY KEYBOARD IS ACTing all weird is why the caps is on and off.
What if someone asked you to be in a relationship with them?
The inly person I would consider being in a relationship rn and for a while probz is Earl and i know i know that is all bad but I feel like if we actually talked things out like adults should and like we were supposed to do then we could maybe fix things but it will never happen and I’m waiting for nothing and it sucks bc I want to move on but I can’t picture myself with anyone else atm
What is your hair looking like right now? I’m lying down on my bed with wet hair
What woke you up this morning?
My parents woke me up too early for church
Would you rather it be sunny or rainy? depends on my mood.
Blue or orange?
Who made you cry last? My old thoughts on Earl and just life rn qtm
What do you regret doing lately? one regret in life: Earl
Last person you had a fight with? No fight, I hate fighting.
Where were you 2 hours ago? Class
Do you eat breakfast? Not often cuz I’m rushing for school
Do you have plans for tomorrow? School/work. Like always
Can you recall the last time you liked someone a lot? When was it? Yes, when I liked Earl. It was all last year, even when I said I stopped liking him. Even right now, Idek what’s going on in my mind about him. I think about him often, and when I start talking to another guy, I think of him and it makes me miss him and dislike them I hate it.
Will you be in a relationship in the next month? Probz naaa.
Will you talk to someone on the phone tonight? No. I think I’ve swerved from Guy #2,…again.
Have you ever trusted someone too much? Earl, way more than I ever should have.
Have you ever made someone cry? I don’t know. I hope not.
Believe in love at first sight? Or naaaa,
Ever dated two people at once? No.
Would you rather be the heart breaker or heartbroken? I would rather break hearts.
Who is your last missed call from? Stacy, my co-worker.
Are you “with” the very last person you kissed? No.
What do you do before you go to bed? Pray, think about stuff, sometimes cry lol, go on tumblr and other networks.
Do you wake up to a good morning text? I could, but I don’t want to mess with a guy I know I don’t want.
Have you ever had to block anyone online? Yeah, it was my fault though.
Have you ever punched anyone in the face? No.
Do you miss anything? Texts from Earl.
Are you okay with the life you live? No, but oh well. I’m trying.
How did you get your last bruise? I don’t have any.
It’s 4 in the morning and someone is throwing rocks at your window, who? David probably. This guy that one time walked from his house to my house (2 hour walk) at 5AM to confess his feelings for me haha. It wasn’t cute, it was dtm and creepy. But I’d wish it were Earl.
Where were you around 3 PM yesterday? Class.
Where were you at 1:30am? KO’d.
Last time you got a text message and smiled? Maggie (:, today.
Do you regret kissing anyone you have kissed? No, seeing is, I haven’t kissed many boys.
Are you in a relationship? No. It’s like, I want a bf, but I don’t want any of these boys trying to talk to me. It’s like I can only picture myself with Earl but we ended in a weird note, so I know it’s never never going to happen unless he like apologizes or something. But even then, it’s like, do I want him? I’m just so confused rn so it’s better I be alone.
Would you fight for someone you wanted to be with? I did and lost.
Have you ever made a boy cry? One time I elbowed Jordyn in the stomach b/c he pissed me off and he cried.
Are you afraid of thunder and lightning? No.
Are you scared of ending up alone? Yes sometimes.
Did you sleep alone last night? Yes.
Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? Hell no, boooo.
Have you ever dyed your hair? Yep.
Are you currently looking forward to anything? No.
How often do you hold back what you want to say? Always.
Do you think that in the end, everything will fall into place? I hope so.
I hate that I’ve been missing you lately, y, y, y,y.
Currently extremely annoyed with my thoughts and feelings