I think I’m accidentally flirting with him again. I don’t mean to, its just, Idk what the heck to say to him anymore -___-“. He keeps tweeting me and then he was like “I haven’t talked to you in a while..” and blah blah blah and I was like well thats cuz you never texted me back 💁 and like I don’t expect him to text me or anything. Heck Idek what he’s going to say to me if anything. This is so childish I know but Idk. Idk why I can’t just let him go or if I should or not or what. Like I just dunno it’s so annoying. Idk why he wants to tweet me at all. Like what’s he tryna get at with those. It’s so weird. It’s weird because before, when I thought something was weird or just w/e, he’d be the one to tell, so Idk what I’m doing now and why and I especially don’t know what he’s doing like AT ALL. It could just all be nothing..but at the same time..COULD IT???
*Deep sighs* come on Katrina it’s time to move all the way on now like rn before you hate yourself anymore..*sigh sigh sigh*…
When you think the guy you like is in love with someone else««««<
That post about short boys is hella funny because Earl told me that he’s 5’6 1/2 but he looks more like 5’5 or less hahaha, and I think he’s so hot but he’s scrawny af xD
I wasn’t feeling well so I took an unsuspected break at work and just walked around campus and cried a little. I don’t know why. I’m just sad. Like 2 people recently died. I’m going to two funerals this weekend. And 2 viewings tonight. And it just makes me think, people can go at any time. Tomorrow won’t always be there. You have to live in the now. You can always have hope for like the days to come, but like live every day like it’s your last. If you care about someone, maybe you should tell them. If you love someone, tell them everyday. Don’t let a moment pass where you regret something you didn’t do. You just gots ta remember that everyday is a blessing and remember all the great things in your life. I keep contemplating on telling Earl that I miss him, and that I still care. He wouldn’t care. He wouldn’t. He isn’t as deep as me, he didn’t overthink these past months everyday. And I’ve changed and I look back at those memories and just see a different me.. Everyday, when I’m on the ride to school, I have to always tell myself to move on. I look up at the sky or something beautiful and just realize that he’s just a memory now. Reminiscing is all right too. And memories are ok. But it’s like, you can’t dwell on it. Yesterday was yesterday and it’s gone. All you have is today because tomorrow may never come. So today, you just gotta live it up and do everything you want to do cuz you just never know when your time’s up.
*deep sigh for the cute guy*….
He didn’t even tweet me back 😭 I’m like staying awake for it even though I know he’s not gonna but still darn him. He’s at it again. Hurtin’ my feelings like a db. I was even being nice in my tweets to him when I could have brushed him off forever ago. Urghhhg nigga 😒 And he had the audacity to tweet “Do you think of me?” Instead of tweeting me back and if that even was a subtweet to me I would scream “AUTOMATIC YES EVERYDAY YOU DICK” lol. I’m making a biggy out of this just cuz I’m starting to miss him a little too much ag.
So yesterday Earl replied to one of my tweets and today he liked my instagram selife. Hahahahaha I sound so dumb but I got really giddy that he did. It’s like I have a crush on him or something wth. I feel like an idiot. And I’m scared to go on twitter to see if he replied back again or not hahahaha what is this feeling because I hate it it’s so childish ahh. And he posted an instagram video yesterday and I just rewatched it like a million times even though he was kind of annoying in it but he was so cute ahhhh. Wth. I mean, but I didn’t like it because he knows how I dislike instavids lolz. Urghhhh I hate this feeling. It’s like worse than liking him because before it was so easy and now I feel stupid and shy or something weird. Oh lord help me. I feel childish about this and dumb as hell.
Urgh, my friend is talking about this guy that she met through friends she follows on twitter and who’s recently been texting her and how he texts her everyday, all day and she showed me the long, long texts and how he’s interesting and always seems to take interest in what she tells him. And after just a week of texting, they met. All right guys if you must know, I met Earl online and we were texting/talking for 8 months before we finally met. There I finally told tumblr -___-“. And it wasn’t even a date or anything it was like an obligation because we were both at the same place at the same time and we hung out for barely anything and its not anything I dreamed of for 8 months.. It was THE WORST cuz Earl kept telling me we’d hang out and go on cute dates and I even asked HIM out once but I don’t drive and we live a 1/2 hour away so it didn’t work..But I liked him a lot already and the whole time I was waiting for him. It’s like I was at the edge of my seat for 9 months and that’s why it’s so difficult because in my head, I still find myself wondering why he even did that to me. Why me? Like how lonely could he be? Or did he really like me? Because I’m seeing my friend starting down at that path but it only took him a week before he wanted to see her. And Idk I’m hella jealous because that’s all I wanted from Earl the whole time. Like he wasted all my time because what if we met and it sucked? But I waited for him because what if we met and it was really great? But then I couldn’t handle it because he messed up too much and it was taking long and I questioned him on things but why not? It was confusing and it didn’t make sense. He was dragging me on and for what? Like maybe he did like me, but I told him that I liked him a lot, like too much for someone who hasn’t even met him. But he knew me better than most people honestly. Like he knew/knows all my secrets that I just recently told people about. That’s what sucks because I’ve had to start hanging out with other people and start texting other friends and its like, “But Earl would understand what I’m talking about”. So you can see why it is SO ANNOYING when my friend is talking about hanging out with this guy and how he’s texting her and how they fall asleep on the phone and it’s like dang it I miss you even though this whole thing screwed with my head I miss it. I miss sleeping at 3 because we were texting. I miss doing dumb stuff just to tell you. I miss it a lot and its probz super over now huh? I mean I wanted more and Idk why it was so hard for you to give it. Like you knew how I was and you said you don’t mess around but then, what was I? Idk I need to start letting go more. It’s like definitely tome to give you all up but I’m still holding on Idk why. I feel like an idiot. This year has just been so yuck yuck.
People start talking to other people so they can get over a person and I can’t help but wonder if I was the person you were talking to to get over someone or if there are people you are talking to to get over me.
I despise myself for missing you everyday all the time. November 29th will mark the 1 year of when we met lol Ihy..-____-“. Gr, I just need to focus on other things. School is almost over. Thanksgiving is coming up and Christmas. And then it’s going to be a new year. This year has been the craziest year ever. I just hope 2014 is better. I hope I can just keep pushing through and hopefully things will get better.
When I think about you it feels like I’m being held underwater and I want to gasp for air but I can’t cuz you’re the jerk holding me underwater but you don’t even notice you’re doing it even though I’m splashing like everywhere wth urggggggh this feeling is lez.